we award all the cool rights somewhere around the age of 20 and not much else after that. you should be able to unlock even cooler rights the older you get. i guess you can run for president starting at 35 but i’m talking about rights that are exciting and consequential here
![[The comic is a plaintext list of the priveleges earned at each age] Age Milestones and associated privileges 16 Drive 17 Attend R-rated movies alone 18 Vote 21 Buy alcohol 25 Rent a car 32 Run for senate 35 Run for president 40 Rent a flying car 45 Learn about the God-Empress 50 Join AARP 50 Get a shingles vaccine 52 Click to skip captchas 55 Vote for God-Empress 62 $80 National parks lifetime pass 65 Eligible for Medicare 67 Collect Social Security 68 See "Skip Ads" button on live TV 70 Run for God-Empress 75 Ride any animal in a national park 80 Eligible for MegaCare 85 Click to toggle whether any ad is positive or negative about the product 90 Click to make any movie R-rated 100 Get a letter from the president 102 (35+67) Collect a presidential pension 105 Get a birthday card from the God-Empress 111 Leave your own birthday party early by putting on a magic ring 118 Vote 100 times 120 Collect the pensions of all elected officials 125 Drink alcohol in an R-rated movie while getting a shingles vaccine from the president 128 Age rolls over, become a baby again](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8de5adb8d6310ce3f5a7b55e29af99c8/a4b4e273152001a2-d5/s1280x1920/478cca27d30d60c50135932d64ae5eefed51d997.png)
If you reach 122, you get complete unrevertible editorial control over Jeanne Calment’s Wikipedia article.
the like to reblog ratio being almost the same is so funny, people are NOT happy with at this update lmao
So we've been having a bit of a debate in the office because we wanted to do the headline "Local man gives up sugar for 12 minutes" but then overdoing the "local man" trope is a bit male-centric, so we considered "Local woman" but then that sounds like we're typecasting women so that wasn't great either, but I think we've finally found a worthy compromise:
ALTNobody’s forcing you to buy these yk
Nobody’s forcing you to walk into, I wanna say hobby lobby (a Christian store, mind you)? and walk past the crosses on sale for 50% off
Ngl this is a very weak comeback
i mean nobody's forcing conservatives to buy pride merch, but they still scream about how we're shoving our lifestyle down their throats just bc they saw a rainbow in the store, so idk. i feel like it's pretty comparable
every year I post this meme and every year people get more mad at me than they did the previous year
i don’t want to live with him
Better?
Closer but not quite there yet
better??!?
got my new boyfriend from Ikea. Unfortunately he's made of particle board and with a single thrust of my hips I broke him into five pieces
sure is yeah. keep me updated
